BlogYYY
Wednesday, July 30, 2008,11:31 AM
37th Entry
Stephanie feat Tanaka Roma - Changin'DGray-man Anime[Stephanie]
heart mitaita kumo ga katachi kaeteku you ni
itsuka wa boku mo kawaru no darou
[Roma]
wakare michi no mannaka
hitori tachi tsukushita
kageboushi shizuka ni kietetta
[Stephanie]
shizunde mienaku natte mo
[Roma]
taiyou wa soko ni aru you ni
[Both]
tebanasenai yume dakara
ikusen no destinies
unmei nante kaete miseru
kono ryoute de ima boku ni nani ga dekiru kana
reach out from inside
[Stephanie]
taisetsu na koto sae mo
miushinai sou na toki
ikutsu no kotoba ni sukuwareta ?
[Roma]
kakegae no nai takara ga
boku wo sodate senaka osu
[Both]
tsuyoi kokoro kureta kara
ugoki dasu fantasies
tashika na mono wa koko ni aru
shinjiru koto sore dake wa dare nimo makenai
there's faith in my soul
[Roma]
kagayaku tame ni migakareru
diamond mitai ni ima
[Stephanie]
kizu tsuita bun hikari hajimeru
[Both]
kawatte iku motto motto
[Stephanie]
ikusen no destinies
unmei nante kaete miseru
kono ryoute de ima boku ni
[Both]
nani ga dekiru kana
ugoki dasu fantasies
tashika na mono wa koko ni aru
shinjiru koto sore dake wa dare nimo makenai
reach out from inside
English Version
Like how the heart-shaped clouds change its form
Will I be changin' too someday?
I remain standing in the midst of parting way
And the shadow gently fades away
Like how the sun is always there
Even when it has sunk down
It's a dream I can't let go
A thousand destinies
I'll show you I can change my fate
Now what can I do with these hands of mine?
Reach out from inside
When you starts to lose sight of your precious things
How many words are out there to save you?
Because the irreplaceable treasure raises me,
Supports me and gives me a strong heart
Fantasies starts to flow
Certainty is definitely here
I can show you my faith is stronger than anybody else
There's faith in my soul
Just like diamond being polished to shine
The more it hurt, the brighter it starts to glisten
And now it's changin' all the more
A thousand destinies
I'll show you I can change my fate
Now what can I do with these hands of mine?
Fantasies starts to flow
Certainty is definitely here
I can show you my faith is stronger than anybody else
Reach out from inside
~Taken from Gendou Music~
Saturday, July 26, 2008,6:47 PM
36th Entry
Decided to change a brand new layout for a better change. Lots of things have happened during this year and they are all very unpleasant and upsetting...
Yesterday was the worse day of all times... I finally broke up a friendship... A wastful friendship of 9 years! We knew each other since we are secondary 1 and I've always treasured my friendship with her. Whatever she has done that upsets me, I've always brush it aside and forgive her but this time, she has been rubbing on my patience for too far and has practically climbed over and on top of my head! Shes the worse person that I have ever met and I cant believe to have been a fool for 9 long years!
It all happens since 3-4 months ago. The friend that I broke up with is called Torrance (Tor for short). She called me one day ard Mar-Apr and told me that she was going to a travel fair with her classmates and asked whether I was interested to go along. As that time I was busy with my school projects, I told her that she could take a look at the deals first. I was not expecting of what was to come next. A few hours later, she called back that there was an offer to taiwan and asked me whether I was interested to go. I was so shocked by her actions as I did not expect to book a ticket overseas just yet but since we did made a pact that we will go taiwan together one day, I asked her abt the date of departure. She said it was during May (or end May) and told her that I can't confirm with her as Im not sure of the date of my last exam papers. So she started to sound impatient and insisted that I made a decision right away by asking me to check with the sch for the exams time-table as her friends from the same sch was able to know their exams time-table and go for holidays. I was so pissed off by then that I told her, if shes was so keen to go, she can go with her classmates or wait for me to check with my sch and to be expected, she said alright and book the tour package immediately with them. That day I was so damn angry with her and Ive even made a point to email the sch, asking for the exams dates! How could you forced other ppl to do things that they are not sure of and get angry abt it? I finally realised that after all this years of friendship, she treats her best friend as a "spare tire" and someone to be pushed around. I guess she doesnt even trust my words when I said that my exams might fall during the dates of the tour... From that day onwards, I've stopped all contacts with her including smses and msns with her. Later on, she told me that the expenses in the taiwan was too expensive and so she cancelled the trip. To me, she was just using her friends' companionship that benefits her and right after she found out something that doesnt benefit her, she just drop it without flicking her eyes.
During the "cold war" period, Ive thought back through all the deeds she had done that upsetted me. From the time during our sec sch days which Ive felt that she has used me and that was our first confrontation. I was upset that she was always with her friends and never did accompany me. But somehow Ive forgiven her and I dun even rmb why... I've always had a tingle of impression of her being a selfish person from her behaviour such as her reluctant to guide me for studies but as she told me stories of her stubborn, strict and uncaring mother, I felt pity towards her and forgive her. I always thought that she has her reasons for behaving this way. Ok nvm, she has been a very calculative person and always count every single cent from me whenever we made our payments together. She has also pride herself as a straightforward person and a person that wont backstab other ppl but she didnt realise that her straightforwardness has been giving problems and hurt towards her friends. I can strongly say that its the equivalent as backstabbing a person (fronter-stabbing). Like for example, when we went out as a gang and some of us suggested to watch a particular movie, she will always "pour cold water" and said either she has no interest towards the movie or she has already watched with her polymates. That sometimes irritated me but everyone of us just accomodated her for the sake of friendship.
The deepest impression of one of her deeds happened just last year, that day ard July, she asked all of us to meet her at Centrepoint Shopping centre as there were vouchers that can be redeemed with dunno how much amount spend but can only be redeemed at a certain time (dun rmb wat time was it). When it was abt time for the redeemption, she suddenly said that she wanted to buy something for herself. I volunteered to queue up for the voucher so Im not too sure what she and my other friends went. When they came back, she told me that she choose a necklace and it will be her birthday present from us. I felt so ridiculous about her behaviour! All of our presents are all brought by her because her sch project required them to spend over $100 (what kind of sch will do such kinds of ridiculous project anyways??) without giving us a choice and still has the cheek to take the opportunity to choose her own present?? Nvm, before Chinese New Year just this year, she called me and asked whether I wanted to meet up with her as she wanted to go to a shoe shop called DMK. She said she wanted to collect receipts till a certain amount so that she can be a member. (Note: Nv did once asked if I wanted to buy any shoes) I agree to meet her at Compass Point which was also suggested by her as she stay near her. I was ok with it as I have a direct bus there. Then i started to sense something strange about her as she treated me very well that day. Asking me where I wanted to go first as she normally would go where she wanted first. When we went to DMK, she asked me to look at the shoes and see what I like. As I was thinking that I'm just accompanying her, I just look around and she told me to buy one. I was surprised and asked isnt she the one who wanted to buy a pair of shoes but she said that she had already buy 2 pairs with her mum. That time I felt so used but thinking about our friendship, i bare with it and bought a pair of shoes and still wait for that monster to take all of her credits!! My mum scolded me for being a fool to have listen to her and bought a pair of shoes for her sake but as a stupid cow, I brush my mum's words aside. Now that I think back, I was such a stupid cow! I regret for not listening to my mum's advice! For the years that she had been my friend, my mum had always told me to be wary of her but I didnt heed her advice. Now I've finally woken up from a poke of a very sharp needle!
Anyways, a few months back during the sametime period ard Mar-Apr, she and 2 of my friends went to another tour fair and plan to go for a trip. One of them called me to ask whether I wanted to go but as that time I was already feeling pissed with Tor and with my mum's advice, I rejected it and told them my godmum was taking me to a trip. Furthermore, I knew that I was not going to be happy during the whole trip and didnt want to mess up the mood. This time, I finally felt that I've made the right choice as my godmum really brought me to trip and even paid for all my expenses! That time I felt really blessed to have known her and think that shes tons better than going to a trip with Tor that might become a trip from hell!! Before they left for their trip, she told me that they might not celebrate my bday on the actual date as they will be landing in S'pore early in the morning before my bday and will be gathering together. So we meet together and she passes me my present. I dun really rmb what we talked about during that day but I can strongly rmb that she kept telling me that my mum seems reluctant to let me go to the trip with them. I was quite pissed off as she always mention this whenever we met or in contact thru sms so i told her some excuses. Oh by the way, when she passed me my present, she was so proud of it and said that it contains animal related stuff as Im an animal lover. So when I went back and opened up, the presents look more fit to a child than to an adult. The bag was in printed with cartoon dogs and the one of the two purses is a cat with fur all overall the purse. The last of the gift was a book and I was guessing it might be an untouched book belonging to hers previously. The contents in the present looks so unsincere to me! Whats worse was during our next meeting, she still had to asked whether I liked the present and I totally told her straight off that I only like the book, the kitty purse doesnt suit me and that kept her silent.
After my trip back with my godmum, I received her sms informing me that she is a financial person and that she always count everything properly. She has already bought the bday presents for the rest and asked me to pay 45 as each presents cost 15 each. I immediately sms back and asked for her account no. so that I can transfer her money asap but she said that its not in rush. A few days later, we girls plan to meet up with the guys to celebrate 2 of their bdays as their bdays are near from one another but we did not prepare a present for one of the guys so we met up together and once we met, Tor immediately said that shes not close with the guy so she will not have a part for the present. Everyone immediately went silent and ignore what she said. We have been calling the guys along for most of our gatherings and yet she still has the cheek to say that shes not close with him??!! Wat the hell! Like she cant bare to part ways with her precious money!!
Ok back to yesterday. I received a sms from her early in the morning asking to celebrate the bdays of 3 friends including hers and has already set 3 days for us to choose as she heard that everyone didnt want to stay too late during the 7th month (As if shes not the one who thinks this way herself). She sms a second time again and sounded like forcing an answer on the date of meeting and added that hoping the mood will be gd as she doesnt really felt like having a gathering becos of the "past". The "past" that she mention happened last yr as there was a dispute among my other friends and in turn, we all lost in contact with the friend (G). But lately Tor, G and me have been keeping in contact and had recently "patch" back. I shall skip the details... Anyways, once i read this sms, I finally snapped and told her if she doesnt want to gather then dun gather with them as it feels forced. Furthermore, asked why she mention G's stuff and whether she was still holding a grudge. Seriously, i dun understand why she had to tell me all that stuff. Then she replied back by saying that she has no such intention and guess that I didnt understand her well. She demanded that she hoped this would never happened again. This fuel my anger further and I replied agreeing that I dun understand her well as no one does understand each other unless herself. She replied saying she has nothing to say to tat and hoped we wont replay the R's incident (she has also broke off with a friend called R this year and was upset abt it for a long time). After looking at tat sms and getting a call from a friend talking about her selfishness and ignorant behaviour during their HK trip, I was ready to call it quits as her last sentence sounded like a demand so I brust out everything and ended things with her. I asked her to think thoroughly y she was losing friends. She was just using her friends as tools for her motives. Like the time that we made a promise to watch a movie and in the end, she ended up saying she had alrdy watched tat show and will not be meeting us. WTH!! But thanks to her, I've learnt a lesson, to not treat ppl too nice and listen to my mum. My last words to her in tat sms said that the world doesnt revolve ard her and everything she did was not always right. Just when I thought my words are straight enough, she sms back to say that she didnt know that I thought of her this way and even asked what she did!!! She didnt even know what she did and kept trying fight back by saing that she did everything to get this back. Blaming that her fault was to be too busybody, disappointed that I think so badly of her and that she was leaving HK and not coming back to Spore. Oh well, even if she leaves, I wont feel upset or anything as the pain that she has given me is tons more than happiness. She shld be ashame of herself for getting this back from me as I'm considered a rather tolerant person. Now, shes blaming G for my behaviour towards her so today, I warned her that this happens not becos of the others but herself and not to point fingers at other ppl but she still asked me what wrong did she do and said that she is the one being hurt now (acting as if shes the only victim here). Saying at least R still wants to be her friend and calling me weird. She doesnt understand that not everyone will act or do as she wants or likes. When someone choose to differ, she fights back and tried to turn the table to her advantage. Well Im not going to be a stupid cow anymore and gd riddance!! Being selfish and using ppl for ur own motives wont get her anywhere far and she can 4get abt having a friendship as she will nv truely know the meaning of friendship. But with all this anger, I felt a teeny bit sad for her as she never truely understands herself. In the end, she tried to be a gd person but failed terribly by wishing tat I will befriends with G which I alrdy did without her telling me and hope I get on well. I told her not to worry as I will be living a better life now and Im feeling happier now than before. My burden has finally lifted.
Thru this incident, I've lost a "friend" but I've also learn a lesson. Thanks to her, Im able to differentiate ppl from gd n bad and to protect myself from being used by ppl with motives.